Big Damn Heros.

On June 22, 2008 my parents will celebrate 61 years of marriage.  Some days, I don’t know how they did it.  My mom is in a nursing home and my father lives by himself in the house I grew up in.  

We’re selling the house to buy one next to my sister so my mom can live at home and my sister can take care of both of them.  Talk about a big damn hero.

On June 22, 2008, Serenity will play in Seattle at a charity screening for Equality Now, Joss Whedon’s favorite charity. 

I’m not sure how they link, but maybe it’s because, though old fashion, my parents never told my sister and I that we couldn’t do something we wanted to do.  My dad coached us through 6 years of softball, all star teams and league championships.  He hiked and backpacked with us.  He taught us to fish.  And my sister how to build engines.  And to shoot.   And to be kind to animals and children.

They paid for my college when they couldn’t really afford it, and I didn’t understand any better.  They like that I’m successful.  They’re proud of me.  Like they are of my sister and the horses she trains and the electrical work she does.    They let us think we could be anything we wanted.  And they helped us become who we are.  

Talk about big damn heros.  

Discouraged

Yesterday and today were harder.  My body is stiff and in pain.  Sleep is elusive again.  Which means I’m exhausted when I wake.  Days are hard; foggy.  I have doubts.  And fears.

My hips are less painful but my butt hurts.  And the parts of my back and neck that didn’t hurt, now hurt.  It’s adjusting to the correctness, I think.   And all the months of accommodation. 

Humans are amazingly adaptable.  My  muscles know how to be out of alignment.  They don’t know how to be correct.

Sometimes I think my head is that way, too.  It knows how to be confused and doubtful and afraid.  It doesn’t always remember what I know now - that I’m capable and smart and well-liked.  When I hurt, I hurt physically, emotionally and mentally.   

But tomorrow is a new day.  6:00 am I have a chance to be helpful.  To show people who don’t know how reach out and find common ground and achieve a common goal and feel good when it’s done.   And that I like.

 

“You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.” - Dale Carnegie.

 

Getting Ready for Spain - Part 2

Now I’m excited.  We’re just 6 days away from take off and I have 610 EUROs in my wallet.  WHEE!  I’ve spent hours mapping our itinerary and have, if I do say so myself, created a fabulous experience for us.   My sister and best friend Kim meet Mike and I in Madrid and we take off from there.  Sunday May 18th is International Museum Day so the Prado is free as is a concert in the Parque del Retiro so our first day is culture and FREE!  

From Madrid we train to Bilbao and explore the city.  The Guggenheim and the Museu de Art Modern and the Zoo.   Then a drive to San Sebastian exploring Basque fishing villages along the way.  In San Sebastian we’ll have great food, tapas, art and an exploration of the Aquarium and the foothills of the Pyrennes.   Whoosh, off to Barcelona for days of wandering the streets looking at art, architecture, churches, sculpture and parks, and sampling tapas, vino and music.   

Kim’s boyfriend Rob and my cousin’s daughter Kendra join us in Barcelona and we take off for the islands. A short flight to Majorca has us finishing out the trip on the Mediterranean beaches, sailing, snorkeling, spelunking and wandering through Miro’s studio.  I highly recommend the Tudor Dawn Charters.  Susie has been really amazing to work with and we’re all set up for a day on the water. 

 

 

5 hours of sleep, good coffee and my dog.

Mike is home from the cabin.  Which means Sam is home, too!

I love Sam.  He’s such a big warm happy spot on the earth. And in my bed!  I love waking up and feeling him against my back.   And last night, I slept 5 hours without waking from pain and when I did wake, Sam was there, breathing loudly and chasing rabbits in his dreams.  

And this morning, for the first time in months, I feel like myself.  The coffee (organic Costa Rican) is amazingly coffee-like this morning.  I feel awake.  Not manic awake like I’ve been feeling these past months of pushing through pain and sleep deprivation; not forced wakefulness that surfaces doubts and confusion and mental dullness.   But awake.  Thelma and Louise awake. 

I had another session yesterday with my chiropractor and the massage therapist.  Today is with the physical therapist.  I have hope.  And I have faith that my body will heal.  Which sounds, you know, hokey, but it’s true.

I hope tomorrow Mike and Sam and I can go for a long walk and enjoy spring and that I can do it without feeling every step. 

The cost of pain.

I’m amazed at the high cost of chronic pain.  For three years I’ve lived with sometimes debilitating pain in my hips and legs.  It affects my ability to walk, to kayak, to golf.  It’s hard to sit.  Hard to stand.  Hard to do anything much, really.  I’ve put on weight because I can’t go for walks, or really do much of anything for more than a few minutes.  

The last month or so i’ve been waking up every hour because of the pain.  I have to shift positions and an hour later, do it again.  And then my arms started going numb while I slept.  They woke me up too.  I’m exhausted.  And cranky.  My brain is fuzzy.  I’m depressed.  My headaches are back.

Finally, I gave up.  I went to the chiropractor again because we finally have insurance that will cover the cost.  After just one adjustment, I slept three full hours.  After two adjustments, I slept three hours.  After a third adjustment, I slept 3 hours and then another three hours.  Even with so little sleep, I feel better.  More like myself.   My hips hurt.  My neck hurts, but not in the same way and not every moment.

And even with insurance, it will cost me almost $2000 to get the care I need (chiro, massage, PT) to get my life back.  

That seems wrong.